Saturday, September 1, 2018

Midlife Musings


Midlife Musings

How many midlife crises am I allowed to have?

The last 6 years have been a blur.
I was talking with a friend yesterday and
she mentioned losing four years of her life
in a cycle of grief.  "Four years!!!" she said.

In reflecting on my own, I see a cycle of three years.
The first cycle shook my foundation and
caused an identity crisis.  

Just as I was coming out and regaining my balance, 
the second cycle began, and over the course 
of about 8 months, my life completely unraveled.

Life as I knew it had changed, permanently.
I was in survival mode.  I'd heard of it and read of it,
but until then, never experienced it.

Now, three years later, I'm beginning to 
regain my footing, think with a clearer head, and
look towards a future which had been uncertain.

Now what?

I. Have. No. Clue.

So, in trying to find a starting place, 
I began to think of what I've learned.

1.  Boundaries are a requirement.
This is difficult to do.
I saw a quote that said, and I paraphrase, 
the people who have trouble with your boundaries
are the ones who benefited because you had none.
(That is worthy of a mic-drop...)

2.  No.
No is a complete sentence.
I forget that, like 500 times a day.
I do not have to justify.
I do not have to explain.
Just...No.

3.  Presence is underrated.
Being present.  It is now a life goal.
When you talk, am I listening?
Or am I thinking about how to respond?
What I need to be doing instead?

Presence is not only respectful to you, but to me.
Am I fully present?
If not, I'm missing life, and this is a one-shot deal.

4.  Multitasking is a lie.
We are encouraged to juggle monkeys
(see earlier post) and wear our busyness
as a banner of worth and importance.
Um, No.

Our brains are neither designed nor wired to multitask.
It adds time to each task at hand.
We rarely complete ALL of them well.
The stress it creates compounds and overwhelms.

5.  Prioritize
This is a brand new word for me.
In my survival mode, triage came naturally, instinctively.
Now, it is my job to prioritize.
Starting with me.
Being top priority will be new to me.
I deserve no less and will work to demand no less.

Introspection is difficult.  It is vulnerable.
It is painfully honest and gut-wrenchingly bare.
It is very, very necessary for growth.
And so, the journey starts...